Guitar Man

9mjul I returned from my stay in south georgia in 2017. Three relatives and three friends have gone before me back home. Im unnaturally a self centered person but I am learning to trust myself when I right size my truth. I have learned to ask for help. I have been guided by all of my chosen family and a few of my birth family. When I first learn of a loved one preceeding home I mourn by being busy because the strength in the truth of the matter about their moving closer to their treasure does not properly place my mind in the knowing comfort of their state of being that I really know. I say know because its not a theory. Its not a hypothesis. So I shout out here not to be understood but to put a shape to my weeping. And I write in my blog. Their return is too close to me know. And so I distract myself here. It is my way to process. I am no longer stuck to not coping with things by using drugs. Im a type 4 person. Tears and slobber and crumbling are my honest ways to grieve. Right now Im avoiding sounds and people that are their catalyst. I’m not using. Im building strength to shoulder the presence of love in those I love most. Soon I hope to die to myself. Im looking forward to the retreat Im going to attend. Im looking more forward to my future nd to living intentionally everyday. Its going to be a salt sea wet with me time of a weekend.

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