I owned my ability to cry and was no longer ashamed of my access to my emotions. I understood the ferocity and strength and power of my emotions unleashed unaided by a reasoning mind. I realized I could be Arjuna and that my charioteer could be Krishna if I turned it all over in trust to him not being roughly driven by emotions but set apart as the conciousness as the viewer to choose what direction speed strength going or stopping my emotions would take me controlled by Universal Mind Spirit Supreme. I felt terminally alone, singular and ailing because I felt even more estranged from those around me even though I understood myself more than ever. I felt and feel the tension in the dialectic created by my contradictions would eventually exhaust and strangle me before I fully intergated my personality or actualized my highest good in spiritual being.

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